Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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