dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
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She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
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You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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