On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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