My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
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I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
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I will pee on everything he values.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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