I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
