remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
