Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
