They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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