her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
