I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
