do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
