I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
