You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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