hotel room ftw
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
