jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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