while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
