she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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