Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
