Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
