no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
operation have a gay friend backfired
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
