i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
