hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
