My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Alive.
So much puke
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
