She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
