if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
