weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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