she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
