Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
