I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
