does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
