ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
