how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
