He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
