Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
