What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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