Having a random hookup so left but love u
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
