I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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