i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
