The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
