I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Its about making memories worth repressing
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
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we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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