you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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