Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
