Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
