I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
