I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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