dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
