Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
