Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
