i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
