the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
