dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
