If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
