i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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