this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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