my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
