Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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