I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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