big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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