Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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