i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
