I accidentally had phone sex last night
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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