Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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