If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
