May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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