I just saw a hot homeless man
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
