She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
