Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
