Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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