dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
