I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
