i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
