Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
